Much Will Be Required

It has been a while since I wrote here. Life has been hectic. Despite being immensely blessed, I have felt immensely overwhelmed instead. As I have struggled with my own circumstances and emotions, I have constantly been delving deeper into the bigger picture. If only mentally, I have been around the world this year, struggling with unanswered questions.

All of these thoughts have expanded onto a bigger scale as the realization that we live in sad times is not going to change. This time of year, I always become disheartened by the commercialism and excess I see everywhere. I have found some relief as I have seen more and more friends at least talking about celebrating Jesus' birth in a fashion actually worthy of our Savior.

Ryan and I have never gone crazy at Christmas, but that is not to say we have done the holiday justice either. I have been confronted with that reality this year as I see American citizens protesting Wall Street and our government going further into debt because it's trying to be everything to everyone.

We are an average family living on a single income in the Midwest. I have stayed home since our first child was born in June 2006, and we have never struggled to make ends meet because we have made a real effort to live within our means. In Winfield, it was easy enough to look around and see countless families struggling to feed or diaper their children. In a global perspective, it is almost unbearable to see how so many live.

I do not want to be the type of "christian" who does not look and act like Christ, but my entire life I have done a darn good job of it. My actions never synced up with my words or even my heart, and this year, right now, that is going to change. Christ will be exemplified in my actions and love for other people so that they may know His goodness and name. I will not look over a $40,000 budget and act like there is not enough money to give more than 10% to my church.

In Franis Chan's book Crazy Love, we are reminded of Jesus' words in Matthew 22:39 to "love our neighbor as yourself." Chan meditated on those words, and it made him wonder what that would look like.  His answer? Only keeping 50% of his church's budget the following year and making a commitment to give away the other 50%! His reasoning? If I love them as much as I love me, then why am I not giving to them as much as I am keeping for myself?

It left me thinking about my 10% which over the last decade has been habitual, not even close to sacrificial. I keep going back to Luke 12:48 where Jesus is quoted saying, "Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more." Um, that is me, and more than likely that is you too.

Join me in making the decision to serve others as much as myself.

Twenty years from today ...

Last week I had the realization that my inability to keep my focus on the end result when raising my children may be the why I am constantly overwhelmed with the daily task of training my children.  To be honest, I would much rather cook or clean than parent.  Parenting is exhausting, especially when you're parenting a toddler and two preschoolers at the same time!  Every moment of the day seems to present an opportunity to correct, praise and/or instruct my little ones.

 Right now, I am especially overwhelmed with this task because my son is a, well, a boy.  Who knew they were so different?  He is wild, rambunctious and seemingly unteachable.  Since our move to Nebraska nearly 10 months ago, he has been on an emotional roller coaster that has left me clueless behind in the dust.  Like any roller coaster, reaching the peaks seems to take so much longer than descending into the valleys; I'm often overwhelmed to the point of tears and yelling which doesn't help the situation.

Oh! my heart is so wicked and selfish.  The Lord has certainly had His work cut out for Him since I invited Him into my heart nearly two decades ago.  There is so much pain and scarring, so many things I have carried with me throughout my life instead of turning them over to God.  When I look back, I see all the events that I allowed to mold me instead of trusting my Creator to transform me and refine me, constantly renewing my heart in His steadfast promises.  I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I'd only been more faithful to His bigger picture for my life.

As I see Caleb struggling to control his own emotions, I see myself in him which scares me.  As his mother, it's my job to prepare him for his own bigger picture.  I'm scared that if he gets the best and the worst of my own character that I'm doing him no good because the worst of me often removes the joy from the rest of me. Looking down the proverbial road of life, imagining what it's like 20 years from today, I desire to see a young man that has allowed every experience to sharpen him and draw him closer to God, unshakable in his faith, loyal, a true servant because even if it's not his spiritual gift, Jesus desires that of him, honest, joyful and compassionate all while still being wild and carefree.

 

I must remember that if I'm not daily, moment-by-moment even, recalling that I serve in the most intimate of mission fields, and that every action, word and expression are leaving impressions on my children that will either grow or hinder them.  I want to breathe life into their lives so that 20 years from today, I can be confident that I have not allowed my scars to become their scars.

Silence is Golden

‎A.W. Tozer once prayed, "Lord teach me to listen. The times are noisy and my ears are weary with the thousand raucous sounds which continuously assault them. Give me the spirit of the boy Samuel when he said to Thee, 'Speak, for thy servant heareth.'"  And Oswald Chambers reminds us to " ... make room for God to come in as He chooses.  Expect Him to come, but do not expect Him only in a certain way."

Silent is Golden by juwet ©2010-2011

These great teachers really spoke to my heart with the truth behind their message.  I am a planner, and while I like to think I plan under divine inspiration, it would probably be more truthful to say that I consult God only after I have made a decision to do something.

I am sure you've never done that before, like a kid asking mom for a piece of candy all the while holding a Hershey's Kiss behind their back?

My first problem is that I am a poor listener, and "poor" is probably being generous.  Even before I became a full-time mommy to four wonderful children, I had trouble just being still and listening to and waiting on God.  This is probably because I am also impatient.  I am, after all, the product of a culture that dishes out instant gratification like it's something we're all due; I fail to remember the part where Jesus has freed me from bondage and transformed me into a new creation.

One of my goals this year is to start spending at least five minutes a day completely still and completely silent before the Lord.  I usually do it after I have worked out so that I'm awake and before the kids get up so that my house can be completely silent too.

I know and trust that God has already prepared a way for me in this life, and I would like to stop living as though I'm completely aware of what that plan is already.  It has occurred to me that the reason so little has been revealed to me is because that is about all God is ready to entrust me with at this point in my life.  He knows my heart and my tendency to plan and make lists, so He typically only reveals one step at a time so that I cannot argue or deviate from His pathway.

I desire so much to change, and I know that God is capable of turning me into a woman who is quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).  As I spend my five minutes in utter stillness before Him each morning, it is my prayer that He will refine me.  Perhaps that is why He has already entrusted me with four young, curious and question-filled children!

He is good, and His ways are perfect.  Just in the last month, as I have physically practiced the art of patience with my little ones, God has been faithful to show fruit in all of our hearts:

Yesterday, the mailman delivered our mail to our door because the snow was blocking our mailbox, leaving it out of arm's reach without trudging hip-deep into snow.  My son heard the knock on the door and immediately let himself and Grace, our 21-month-old, outside.  I start chasing the kids down our driveway knowing that I will not be able to catch Caleb because he got too good of a head start.  I grabbed Grace, who is quite a bit slower, and headed back to the house, leaving Caleb in front of our neighbor's house.  To my surprise, he quickly followed us back inside, racing in on my heels.  Before I could even open my mouth to scold him, he wrapped his arms around my thigh and apologized for disobeying.  I was beside myself.

God is faithful, and we won't miss it if, like Chambers recommends, we not only leave room for God but expect Him to come.

You of Little Faith

I often still feel like I have just begun the journey of learning to serve like Jesus.  Because I am human there are too many times I still desire recognition for my sacrifices, I still crave a reward for my selfless attitude, I still fail to truly understand my own salvation and the grace that secures it.  You would think it would be easier to follow the example of your Lord, your Father and your Redeemer, but it is about the most difficult thing a person can do because it means dying to one's self which just is not, ironically, how we were designed.  God designed us to have choice which automatically seemed to mean we would always choose our self.  Even in paradise, the Garden of Eden, Eve and Adam could not resist the temptation of becoming more like God even if it meant disobeying Him in the process.  We are so sinful ...

©2006-2011 ~imanwatts

But there is redemption, and while I have spent most of my Christian life misguided, I feel that in the last two years I have begun to truly understand the Gospel the way Jesus' desired.  He made it so simple, but I have been blinded by myself and my wants and my plans.  I have been lured into the world's notions and philosophies, and I have forgotten the very premise of my faith:

²⁵ "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life,

as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body,
as to what you will put on.

Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?

  

²⁶ "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not worth much more than they?

 ²⁷ "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

 ²⁸ "And why are you worried about clothing?

Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin,

 ²⁹yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory
clothed himself like one of these.

 ³⁰ "But if God so clothes the grass of the field,

which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace,

 will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!

  

³¹ "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?'

or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'

 ³² "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things;

for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

  

³³ "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,

and all these things will be added to you.

 ³⁴ "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.

Each day has enough trouble of its own

 

Matthew 6:25-34

"You of little faith," that is what my Savior calls me because He knows my heart well.  Luckily He did not stop at reminding me how little faith I have in His sovereignty, He sacrificed everything to show me that His will was good and perfect, and if I could find a way to get over myself, my eyes would be opened.

His desire was for me to follow Him and feed His sheep (John 21).

It seems so simple, so I began trying to understand where I was failing, where my family was failing, where the Church was failing. I was shocked to learn that I was failing not because my intentions were not good, but because they were not of God.

They were not Biblical or purposeful for advancing the Kingdom of Heaven.

They were still selfish and were still all about me.

Coming to this point in my walk was painful and a little bit paralyzing.  I had spent years of my Christian life headed in the wrong direction.  You of little faith ...

My redemption came upon realizing that even in my confusion, God is sovereign.  First Corinthians 13:12 reminds me, "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Grace is Greater Than All Our Sin

As believers, we should constantly be asking questions and searching for truth.  Often times our studies reveal unusual answers.  Once upon a time, a friend and I went head-to-head over the issue of homosexuality, and I have never asked more questions and studied harder in my entire life.  Tonight, another friend sought my wisdom over this very issue, and I felt like all that I had learned three years ago was for this moment.  I wanted to share my thoughts with you, all the while praying that whenever you find yourself with questions, that you purposefully seek an answer because you never know when God will want you to become the teacher.

I see the world in black and white; there is right and there is wrong. I've always been this way with my faith, too, so the issue of homosexuality has always been a no-brainer: it's a sin. The Bible is pretty clear about that. As I've grown and matured as a believer, however, I've had to sharpen my understanding over many issues. I pray that my studies shed some light in the darkness.

First, as a believer you have to decide one thing above all else: Do I believe the Bible is inerrant? I do. I believe that God, through divine inspiration gave us the Bible, whole and perfect (2 Timothy 3:16-17). There are some believers that do not believe this, and therefore take liberties with how we apply the truths taught within the text. That is a dangerous slope because the less we believe the Bible is God’s perfect love letter to us, the more we find ourselves playing by our own man-made (read: sinful) rules and throwing out godly truth. First and foremost, one must decide where he or she stands with regards to the Bible. Do you accepts the whole book as truth? If so, then you must accept the content regardless of how it makes you feel.

Second, when we come face to face with sin, as humans, we usually only have a few reactions: repentance, shame, grief or anger. Because we are all human, we have a bent toward the later three; repentance only comes from God and it is not in our nature.

Thirdly, just because homosexuality is a sin, however, does not mean that all homosexuals are going to hell.  Are you confused yet?  Understanding and accepting this truth helped set me free: Homosexuals are born homosexual!  In Psalm 51:5, David writes,"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me."  We are all born with a sin nature, a propensity for sin, that sets us apart from God (See also Romans 3:9-11).  For some that may mean anger, others lust, others still selfishness.  The difference in all of it, however, is the choice we make to either give into our sinful desires (anger turns into murder, lust turns into sexual immorality, selfishness into idolatry) or to pray for deliverance from the temptation. James 1:14-15 outlines the process clearly:

 Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God";
for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.

 ¹⁴But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

 ¹⁵Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin;
and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.

 ¹⁶Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren.

 ¹⁷Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above,
coming down from the Father of lights,
with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.

 ¹⁸In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth,
so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

 ¹⁹This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear,
slow to speak and slow to anger;

 ²⁰for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

 ²¹Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness,
in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.

 ²²But prove yourselves doers of the word,
and not merely hearers who delude themselves.

 ²³For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer,
he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror;

 ²⁴for once he has looked at himself and gone away,
he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.

 ²⁵But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty,
and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer,
this man will be blessed in what he does.

 
So, there are some Christians out there who are homosexuals, some even practicing homosexuals because they are still unwilling to give their entire sinful nature over to Christ. We all have some sin that we hold on to, theirs is just more obvious. For me, personally, I have an angry heart (didn't see that one coming, did you?)  Over the years, I have gotten really good at controlling it, but eventually my anger boils over. I know God’s truth, and I know that the anger that I carry around is a sin and of the devil, but I am a work in progress. That sin is no different than a homosexual’s sin … we just like to think it is because we’re human and it is our nature to measure things in degrees. God doesn’t do that, though, so we have to find ourselves in a place where we recognize sin and rebuke sin, but we learn to love the sinners, trusting God to deliver them.

It’s simply not our job to shame people out of their sin, but in our own lives we must seek out the sins we have allowed to linger because, "I am only human" or "it's just my nature," and turn them over to God. I have heard it said that once we are Christians, we can no longer say, "it's just my nature" because in Christ, we are new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17), transformed by grace!

Marriage is a Laboratory

This is one post that I am not sure what I want to say.  We are currently going through the book of 1 Corinthians at church and in our small groups, and two weeks ago the study was over marriage as outlined in chapter seven.  During his sermon, our pastor made the comment that "marriage is a laboratory," and it got me to thinking about how that is true not only within the context of service (which is what the pastor was talking about) but in general.

Yahoo! recently published an article that my husband found "startling."  Titled, Four in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete, the article aims to show how the definition of family has evolved over the last five decades and how this evolution has been triggered by a large number of divorced or unwed adults with children.  The article states,

About 29 percent of children under 18
now live with a parent or parents who are unwed
or no longer married, a fivefold increase from 1960,
according to the Pew report being released Thursday.
Broken down further, about 15 percent have parents who are divorced or separated
and 14 percent who were never married.
Within those two groups, a sizable chunk — 6 percent —

have parents who are live-in couples who opted to raise kids together without getting married.

I agree with my husband, this is startling!  From a Biblical viewpoint, it is clear that God has a clear plan and design for marriage and family.  From a sociological viewpoint, two-parent families are the ideal.  This article, however, suggests that adults are no longer striving toward the ideal situation and are settling with whatever life throws at them.  This, I believe, is largely due to the fact that as a culture we (1) do not want anyone telling us how to live our life (i.e. the Bible) and (2) too many married adults have indeed shown that if marriage is a laboratory, they are mad scientists.

Because our society is walking farther and farther away from God's truth, design and purpose for marriage, it is no wonder that we are seeing an increase in the aforementioned statistics.  As a wife, I pray I can learn to be submissive and serve my husband; as a mother, to be an example and light to my children.  Marriage is a blessing and serves to make us more holy if we allow it.  It is very difficult for our generation to serve others especially if it means sacrificing something!  Marriage will not work if both parties are not willing to completely submit themselves to their partner, lovingly serving and meeting their needs.  It is definitely hard work, but the rewards are tremendous.

In the aftermath of adding our fourth child, I am trying to remember that my husband comes before my children.  At the end of a long day, he deserves my heart and attention, and getting to bed 30 minutes later won't kill me!  Take time this Thanksgiving week to remember why you choose your spouse in the first place.  Choose one area of your life that you are not currently giving 100% of yourself, and start turning that over to Christ for transformation. 

But You Excel Them All - Part 2

A week ago I wrote about the lies that our culture is selling us as married folks after a gentleman at Wal-mart informed me that I needed to purchase my husband an HDTV to entertain him so that I did not have to be his entertainment, and we could stop procreating.  This type of lie and sin has slowly crept into our homes and is destroying them slowly.  Not only is it undermining the plan God has for marriage but it alters our perceptions of parenthood.

It is not a surprise that when we do things out of their designed order, as we have a tendency to do, that what God purposed as a blessing can be viewed as, well, a burden.  Our sin, then, alters our view of God's blessings.  God designed man and woman to be joined together in marriage and make babies.  Specifically, the Bible says in Genesis 1:27-28:

So God created mankind in his own image,

in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them,

“Be fruitful and increase in number;

fill the earth and subdue it.

Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky

and over every living creature that moves on the ground." 

As our extended families spread apart and our immediate families break apart, parenting gets even more difficult therefore making our perception of parenthood even worse.  We are constantly told how expensive children are to raise, how much of our energy they take, how we will never get a good night's sleep again, how they will [fill in the blank].  It is rare to hear a parent recall the joys of parenthood, and I am just as guilty.

There are days when I cannot see God's purpose through my own trials.  There are days when I do not want to either because I want to believe the lies and take the easiest path.  Parenthood has quickly taught me, however, that short-cuts rarely pay off.  I find myself in tears, on my knees, often.

I want to encourage everyone to evaluate the reasons behind their current conceptions of parenthood.  What forms your beliefs?  Who influences them?  When was the last time you sat down with a grandmother and let her recall the joys of parenthood?

There are several parenting sermon series that I listen to over and over again to keep me on God's path.  Covenant Life Church's "The Parenting Years" is one of my favorites.

But You Excel Them All - Part 1

"[Her husband] praises her, saying, "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all." Proverbs 31: 28-29

Yesterday a lie smacked me in the face when a man at Wal-mart explained to me that I needed to stop having kids.  Want to know how?  I just need to purchase my husband a nice HDTV to entertain him so that I didn't have to.

Wow.

At first I just brushed it off, then I started thinking about this man's heart, and it made me very sad.  You may wonder why such a thoughtless comment would bother me, so let me explain.  I desire to be a worthy woman, and I want my husband to think I excel above all other women.  This man at Wal-mart, however, no longer found joy in his bride, and six kids later, was happy to "entertain" himself with cable television.  Understand why I am sad yet?

I believe this is pretty typical of marriages in our country.  Husbands and wives are growing weary of one another, and they have stopped serving one another.  More than that, there is no longer a desire to serve one another.  I know I have only been married for six years, but I assure you there have been plenty of times when I have served out of obligation and not desire, or not served at all because I am selfish.  My problem is that more and more folks eventually just stop serving and slowly allow sin to enter their heart and marriage.

This man at the store clearly did not understand that it is not my desire to allow the scantily clad women on TV to entertain my husband; I want to! I want to be his desire as well.  Anything less than this scenario is sin, marriage-ending sin.  We are all selfish, I understand that, but it is not an excuse.  I once heard a pastor say that as Christian we can no longer say, "It's just my nature" because in Christ we are new creations.  We have no excuses if we are following Christ.

Where is your heart today?  What kind of things have you allowed into your home so that you do not have to fulfill your obligations as a Biblical woman and wife?

We are Wonderfully Made

My little sister is a Tri-Delt, and last week was their annual End Fat Talk campaign.  I wanted to post something on the topic, and I am just now getting to it.  So, here is my take on this campaign and what they are trying to accomplish through it. As a young GenY woman, it should be no surprise that self-esteem came and went when I was a teenager and college student with each new boyfriend.  It was sort of pathetic.  As a young mother, I now have the responsibility of raising three daughters.  So there is a big question before me: How do I teach them to view themselves as beautiful regardless of this world's current standard or a boy?  At first it seemed beyond me, but it is pretty easy when you just stop and consider what the psalmist  David wrote about the topic ... Psalm 139

God’s Omnipresence and Omniscience.
For the choir director. A Psalm of David.
1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
         You understand my thought from afar.

3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
         And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
         Behold, O LORD, You know it all.

5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
         And laid Your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
         It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
         Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
         If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
         If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,

10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
         And Your right hand will lay hold of me.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
         And the light around me will be night,”

12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
         And the night is as bright as the day.
         Darkness and light are alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
         You wove me in my mother’s womb.

14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
         Wonderful are Your works,
         And my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from You,
         When I was made in secret,
         And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;

16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
         And in Your book were all written
         The days that were ordained for me,
         When as yet there was not one of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
         How vast is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
         When I awake, I am still with You.

19 O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
         Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.

20 For they speak against You wickedly,
         And Your enemies take Your name in vain.

21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O LORD?
         And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?

22 I hate them with the utmost hatred;
         They have become my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
         Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
         And lead me in the everlasting way.

So, it is my job to teach my girls (and yes, even my son) this psalm.  Perhaps we should even memorize the entire thing because to have such an amazing passage written on each of our hearts would make a huge difference as I teach my daughters that their beauty and worth is found in Christ, not in this world.  As I read my little sister's blog on the topic, it made me wonder which of my features I complain about that I should rejoice in instead.

I definitely do not look like the women in magazines, and I am not as trendy of some of my friends even though they too are mothers of young children.  But my husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world even when I have not showered in two days.  My oldest daughter admires me, and the only purpose it serves to talk poorly about myself is to teach her that her current, innocent view of beauty is not right.  God created me uniquely, quirks and all, and I would be criticizing the God of Creation if I could not see the beauty in myself, His creation.

Here are some questions to consider this week:

• If we really believe every human is a unique and beautiful creation of God, how should that affect the way we view people whom our society considers mistakes, disposable, worthless?
• What are some ways that we, as Christ-followers, can show that we value human life?
• How should the Bible’s teachings on human dignity affect how we treat others?

You are an awesome creation of a Heavenly King, and by recognizing that, you glorify Him.